The biggest development in this girl's entire life/pregnancy lately is IV iron infusions. Sign me up for that shit for the rest of eternity as far as I'm concerned, I don't even care how much it costs. Here's how it goes: I reserve many hours of alone time, go the the beautiful, futuristic medspa office where everything is either white or clear (chairs, desks, cabinets, everything), lay on a bed and nap/read/talk on the phone/whatever and take a billion milligrams of iron straight into my veins. Then kindly Dr. Ian gives me a shot in the bum with a bunch of other good stuff (B vitamins, Vitamin C & A and other things that are meant to help my body "unlock" all the iron I just got) and I'm on my way. Sometimes if I look extra extra terrible - I have been getting a little yellowish artificial tan from my anemia - I also get an extra bag of fluid. I don't feel like a million bucks but I feel alive and that is really something. Thank god for modern medicine.
Ok but so really, though, any time now would be great.
No one knows exactly what sets off the hormonal chain reaction that causes natural labor to begin. We think it's the baby and we think it's probably when their lungs begin to make surfactant, signifying that if they were born they would be ready to breathe air - that they send the first signal and the mama's body takes it from there, but really, no one knows. What a wonderful, frustrating mystery. May your lungs be ready soon, little guy.
Because, man. Exhaustion, heartburn, anemia and it's dark eye circles, a renewed nausea, belly button soreness, WADDLING. (I prefer to think of it as toddling.)
And really, there is just no way to sleep. Between the hips (the hiiiips - I am literally type-whining), the back, the belly, the legs, my hands falling asleep, my preschooler whacking me in the face, sleep comes in 1 hr shifts between rolling over/peeing/longing to lay on my back. Are you interested in hearing me continue to complain? Coming right up.
I remember after Olive was born waking up in the night to feed her and change diapers (and pump, I also pumped after giving every bottle) and how quickly that turns you into a zombie who doesn't REALLY ever wake up and remembering anew in the first few seconds of waking that I was not pregnant anymore because I had, in fact, already had the baby and how supremely happy that made me. Not sleeping and having a giant, deflated stomach that basically served no purpose because it couldn't do anything it was supposed to, nursing a sore bottom and having a baby with feeding problems and most of the time I just rejoiced over the non-pregnancy of it all. Sometimes I really feel like I'm crawling out of my skin waiting for this to be over.
But I am still grateful for this boy. I am grateful for a healthy, if miserable pregnancy. This is a gift.
Olive still has a birthmark on her face: a red heart right between her eyebrows. Her pediatrician said it would probably fade by around her first birthday but here it is, still going strong at nearly 4 and standing out especially dark whenever she is hot, cold or crying. People who know her stop noticing it pretty quickly and I only see it when a stranger points it out and then I always feel a warm familiarity, like seeing an old friend for the first time in a long time. It's her special mark and so emblematic of who she is: loving, emotional, connected, full of heart. I was looking at her forehead-heart the other day and her full, expressive eyebrows and perfect shaggy, sandy hair and just generally admiring her and thought about how my undereye circles continue to grow and I know all my hair will go straight and fall out after her brother is born and all the while, she seems more and more beautiful each day. And I thought about how I'm so happy to give her that - to sacrifice some skin elasticity and to accept a few new grey hairs (6ish just with this pregnancy!) for these exquisite children of mine. You lose something in the looks department when you have a baby - it cannot be argued otherwise: a certain softness or plumpness or youth or something but these babies, man, the soft pillows of fat thighs and chubby cheeks they grow are so worth it.
Weight gain: oh, I don't know...65 lbs. Maybe I can keep it under 80? ha! Syke. But it really all depends on how much longer this thing goes so let's everyone think labor thoughts in the coming weeks, shall we? I'm ready any time after Jan 24th when I am officially in dates.
Let's do this thing.
Let's do this thing.